The first child said, "I am a Moslem, and this is my prayer rug."
The second child said, "I am a Jew, and this is my Star of David necklace."
The third child said, "I am a Catholic, and this is my rosary."
The fourth child said, "I am a Southern Baptist, and this is my 'burning cross'."
The fifth child said, "I am a Jainist Buhddist, and this is the small brush I sweep in front of me as I walk, to make sure I crush none of Earth's creatures beneath my feet."
The sixth child said, "I am a Pagan, and this is my Solstice Medalian."
The seventh child said, "I am a Mormon, and this is a picture of me and my twelve brothers and sisters."
The eigth child said, "I am Pentacostal, and this is my ponytail; I cannot cut my hair or wear shorts."
The ninth child said, "I am a snake-handler, and this is my venomous viper."
The tenth child said, "I am a Jahova's Witness, and I'd like to take the next three hours to share with you the vision of--"At this point all hell broke loose. The Muslim and Jewish children began trying to kill each other. The Catholic boy put the Pagan girl in a choke-hold and dragged her over to the Baptist's cross, yelling "get some kindling, quick!" Meanwhile, the Southern Baptist began beating the Jainist to a pulp, screaming "you god-damn commie faggot!". The Jahova's Witness and the Mormon began beating each other with their respective books, each crying "mine is the true word of God!". The snake-handler fell over dead, and all the while, the Pentacostal girl stood back, smiling eerily and chanting gibberish. Finally, just as the teacher had begun to restore some order and lifted the phone to call for a paramedic, the eleventh student walked in. He raised an AK47 with a sixty-round clip and calmly announced, "I'm an America First/Pro-Lifer!" and sprayed the room with automatic rifle fire.
Epilogue: Before all the parents had even been contacted or the principal had gotten a chance to speak, a local NRA official called a press conference. He quickly explained to all the gathered news media that they should be careful when laying blame for the shooting, that it was obviously the result of the nefarious influence of welfare mothers, lesbian feminists, and the evil liberal media. He further noted that if President Clinton and his commie-supporters inforced the laws ALREADY on the books, that none of this would have happened. "We do NOT need further laws," he concluded. When one of the photographers raised a hand and asked what law currently on the books could have prevented the massacre, the NRA official looked around nervously for a few seconds, then produced twin 45 caliber Baretta pistols from beneath his jacket, sprayed the media with bullets, and fled away on foot. Police have no leads at this time. God bless America!