Rush listeners...don't worry.
After five weeks in a rehab center for a drug addiction that would have landed any poor minority in prison, Rush Limbaugh is back on the air.

The talk-show host and pathological liar has frequently ridiculed and scoffed at drug addicts in the past, and many of his listeners wondered what his five-week hiatus would have on the show they've come to love and worship like the mindless cult members that they are.

But Rush quickly put their minds at ease, telling them not to worry.
"I don't want anybody to get frightened about this, now," Limbaugh said. "This has no impact on what you have come to know, love and respect here...".
Reminding his avid listeners that common sense, compassion, and evil liberal myths like "the facts" have never stopped him before, Rush vowed to carry on harrassing drug addicts and other criminals like himself no matter how many people rightfully cry "foul" and "hypocrite!"