Herbert P. Wuhl, age 74, is completely out of touch with current sexual slang and lingo, and his grandchildren enjoy countless hours of entertainment because of it, Scott Harmon reported yesterday. Harmon, Wuhl’s 17-year-old grandson, told friends that his grandfather "...is absolutely hillarious".
Harmon, whose mother insists he visit her father in the nursing home at least twice a month, explained that finding some way to amuse himself at the old man’s expense was the only way he could stand the chore of visitation. "My favorite gag is to tell him I have a pet monkey," Harmon told his friends during lunch at the mall. "His memory is kind of, like, fading, so I can get him just about every week. So anyway, I’ll say, ‘Grandpa, you know I have a pet monkey, right,’ and he’ll just nod or whatever, and then I’ll say, ‘he’s been a really bad monkey recently, what do you think I should do to him?’ And my Grandpa will say, ‘you should spank that monkey.’ It’s such a riot."
Getting snickers from his two buddies, Eddie McMurry and Scott Baker, ages 16 and 17 respectively, Harmon continued with several other stories about his juvenile antics. During one recent conversation about camping, he reported getting his grandfather, a decorated World War II veteran, to utter the phrase "pitch a tent" six different times. "I was just rolling," Harmon added enthusiastically. Sexual euphemisms are not the only subject Harmon enjoys discussing with his progenitor, however. Mr. Wuhl’s dentures and colostomy bag are also sources of great amusement for the youngster. "You guys should totally come visit him with me some time," Harmon told McMurry and Baker, as the trio headed off to the arcade.