AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm so nervous and depressed today, I can hardly think straight. I feel just like I used to as a kid the day/night before the first day of school.

So, here's a little humor I'm sharing...it made me laugh out loud, which I REALLY needed today.

From Mark Hoolihan at The Hoolinet, a site with lots of great parodies.

Below are reasons to vote for George W. Bush:
1. Because you know things are going well in Iraq. They're getting better every day. You know this is true because George Bush told you so.

2. Because too many people have health care as it is, what are we, the United States of Every Child Gets to go to the Doctor?

3. Because good leaders don't change their minds every time they realize they made a mistake. That would be sound strategery and you wouldn't want too much thought going on at the top levels.

4. Because George Bush never made a mistake. You know this is true because George Bush told you so.

5. Because Bush's service in the Air National Guard during Vietnam showed courage and strong leadership, whereas Kerry's service in Vietnam showed he's a coward and weak on national security. You know this because Swift Boat Veterans for Truth told you so.

6. Because only George Bush can protect you from Al Qaeda. He's consistent. He promised to get bin Laden, invaded Iraq and got Republicans to hate France. Could Kerry keep Al-Qaeda off balance like that?

7. Because you know invading Iraq was right. Weapons of Mass destruction were found and Saddam was behind 9/11. You know this is true because FOX news and Dick Cheney keep implying it's true. Besides even if it's all untrue, Saddam was a bad man, and you know Kerry wants to have a gay wedding with him.

8. Because invading Iraq made us safer. Iran and North Korea might actually have WMD's but they know now if they mouth off Bush might invade someone else, like Syria, or Malta, maybe even the Seychelles. Take that Kim Jong Il!

9. Because you know George W. Bush is the decisive leader we need in a time of crisis. You know because those seven minutes of him reading "My Pet Goat" while America was under attack aren't as important as his record of saying he's a decisive leader, decisively, over and over. In a world where nuclear missiles take up to 30 minutes to cross the globe any leader can afford 7 minutes during a crisis for a really good goat story.

10. Because George Bush believes in American values like freedom and values, which are words he uses alot. Locking up American citizens without trial or even charges is OK if they're muslims. You know your freedom is safe as long as you're not a muslim, and you're not if you know what's good for you.

11. Because it's unpatriotic to criticize the President. That's not what the Founding Fathers wanted, they wanted everyone to worship George Bush. You know criticism and free speech are a part of democracy, you just want those who disagree with you to be shut up. This will help the march of freedom, as long as you agree with George Bush your freedom will be safeguarded.

12. Because you know if John Kerry is elected, on Jan. 20th all marriages will be gay, Osama bin Laden will move into the White House, all freedom of religion will be revoked, people will hae sex with chipmunks, America will become communist, Taxes will go up 900%, the ghost of Rerun from "What's Happening" will rise from the grave - mass hysteria!

13. Because you know you're better off than you were four years ago and you will be better off with four more years of exactly the same thing.


I give up, and surrender my free will to the might of George W. Bush.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2004 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.